im so tired.been telling myself to go to bed early for the past few days yet i still cant.i slept at 12 or 1.sians.im gina go to bed at 10 later!i WILL.hahahahahas.

my mum just told me my ahma MAYBE wont live till next yr.omg.dont pls.oh heaven,god,buddha or watever gods there are,please please protect my ahma.let her live to see next yr's cny!or at least she see the birth of her great-grandchild...i dont wan her to go.i dont want to miss her naggings,her cooking.i wan her to cook my fav pig's stomach soup,carrot soup,potato soup,hei nuo mi (black rice dessert),and many many many more of my fav dishes.

i can still rmb her sewing a quilt made of my grandpa(passed away 10yrs ago) and and her clothes for me and my sis.though it was small and thin and we wld still feel cold after having it covered over us, the warmth was inside us.the gratefulness and the thought of her sewing that for us filled the warmth in our hearts.

i stayed with her frm young till like p4 when we shifted house to somewhr near hers.and frm den,she wld walk to our hse almost everyday.until recently she dint rly come over.i wld like her to come over.at least im reassured she's well.and well taken care of.

whenever i see her sort of slightly limping i feel sad.i told her y she was slightly limping,she said she wasnt.i think its bcos her legs were tired.

her legs and arms and face were covered with rashes or something like red spots.and she said it was itchy.her ears recently oso turned red and its like going to lan diao anytime.her eyes swelled. my mum told me she had something like leukemia.oh man.

i noe im greedy to pray to let my ahma live longer.who doesnt want their family or relatives to live longer? though i always complained she was naggy and sometimes talked to her in a loud voice,i dint mean it. i think she loved us(me and my sisters) a lot. from her coming over our hse to cook for us and looking aft us to giving us monthly extra money.but now,i wld rather she keep the money to seek treatment.though my mum said the doc said treatment wont cure her now. at least buy a chance??? as compared to other cousins (maybe except the 2 eldest cousins,cos they stayed with her since young till they were 10 over yrs old and they called her and went over her hse to eat nowadays) my ahma doted on us much.

she loved to feed us when me n my sisters were young (: and when i was 8 or 9 she still fed me. when my sisters and i fought with each other when we were young,she wld take out the cane and smack us.when my grandpa argued with her,she wld always win. when i started p1,she wld bring me down to take the sch bus.when i took extra money to treat my frens to tidbits during recess during p1,she scolded me like hell. she wld buy me mifenmian and taohuayzhui(soyanbeanmilk) and the indian beehon kind of thing with the orange sugar for breakfast.she wld snore loudly when she sleep.she wld scold me when i played with her sewing machine.

those were the sweet memories.

in my heart,i noe she will live for loooooonggg